How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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