remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
