Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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