I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
