Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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