On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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