i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
