What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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