Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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