You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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