I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
