Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
