Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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