Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
