how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
