I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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