Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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