she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
