and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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