So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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