Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
