Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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