The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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