you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
