dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
