Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
