What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
