She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
