what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
