arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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