I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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