if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
