I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
