nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
