Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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