dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
