I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
