If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
