Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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