um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
nutella sex= disaster
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
