Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
