i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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