screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
