Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
