My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
