just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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