Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
