Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
from now on my penis is your penis
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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