do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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