just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
