i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
don't judge my taste in strippers
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
