i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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