So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
