if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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