Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
