yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
