At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
