Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
