yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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