mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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